READY FOR SOME HORSE D'OEUVRES??

SAY WHAT YOU WILL ABOUT 'EM, BUT YOU GOTTA LOVE THOSE A$$HATS IN WASHINGTON. THERE'S CLEARLY NOTHING MORE IMPORTANT GOING ON IN THE COUNTRY AT THIS POINT, BECAUSE LAST MONTH THEY QUIETLY LIFTED THE BAN ON HORSE SLAUGHTERING FOR FOOD IN THE U.S. 

LET ME BE CLEAR - WE NEEDED ONE MORE THING TO SHOVE IN OUR MOUTHS. I FIRMLY BELIEVE THAT AS HUMANS, BEING THE ONES THAT ESSENTIALLY RUN THE PLANET, GET BLAMED WHEN SOMETHING IN NATURE GOES HORRIBLY WRONG, AND ARE TASKED WITH BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR CLEANING IT UP, WE SHOULD HAVE THE RIGHT TO EAT ANYTHING LOWER ON THE CHAIN OF EVOLUTION THAT EATS, SLEEPS, BREATHS, OR GROWS. WHETHER THERE'S A MILLION OF THEM LEFT OR IT'S AN ENDANGERED SPECIES, I PERSONALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT IT TASTES LIKE. 

SO MY PROBLEM ISN'T THAT I'M ANTI HORSE BURGERS... I'D BITE THE HELL OUT OF ONE IF I HAD THE CHANCE... BUT HORSE IS THE BEST WE CAN DO?? WHERE'S DOLPHIN?? WHERE'S KOALA??? WHERE'S PENGUIN????

HORSE IS SO 20TH CENTURY! DON'T WE DESERVE TO EAT SOMETHING NEW FOR ONCE BEFORE ANOTHER ASTEROID COMES AND KILLS OFF SOMETHING DELICIOUS? MY STOMACH STILL GRUMBLES EVERY TIME I HEAR THE FLINTSTONES TALK ABOUT BRONTOSAURUS BURGERS. 'CAUSE I CAN'T HAVE ONE. 

SO PRETTY PLEASE, WITH A1 SAUCE ON TOP, LET'S WORK HARDER TO LEGALIZE THE EATING OF SOMETHING MORE INTERESTING THAN HORSES - BECAUSE GOD KNOWS THEY'D EAT US THE FIRST CHANCE THEY GOT. WELL, NOT REALLY, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.     

~UNTIL NEXT TIME, MAN GLOBBERS.