SO A HAIR REMOVAL COMPANY IS SUING REALITY STAR KIM KARDASHIAN CLAIMING SHE'S BEEN RECOMMENDING THE USE OF THEIR LASER HAIR REMOVAL DEVICE FOR UNSAFE AREAS OF THE BODY!
IN A STATEMENT THIS WEEK, THE MAKERS OF "TRIA" SOUGHT TO CLARIFY THAT UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD THEIR PRODUCT BE USED TO REMOVE HAIR FROM, "...THE FACE, HEAD, EARS, NECK, NIPPLES..." AND OTHER UNMENTIONABLE PLACES (YEP, THERE... AND THERE. WAIT, WOMEN HAVE HAIR THERE?? GOODNESS, GRACIOUS.) PRETTY MUCH ANYPLACE OTHER THAN YOUR ARMPIT IS OFF LIMITS.
PROBLEM IS, KIM KARDASHIAN CLAIMS THAT FOR YEARS SHE'S BEEN USING THE DEVICE TO REMOVE HAIR EVERYWHERE ON HER BODY. NOW I KNOW FROM WATCHING HER SHOW THAT KIM'S ARMENIAN, AND BY HER OWN DESCRIPTION ARMENIAN WOMEN ARE ESPECIALLY HAIRY, SO BY THAT MEASURE MAYBE THEY'RE A UNIQUE GROUP OF LADIES IN THE BODILY HAIR DEPARTMENT.
BUT COME ON!?!?! WHEN DID WE START DEMANDING THAT WOMEN NOT ONLY HAVE SHAVED ARMPITS, HAIRLESS LEGS, NOT A FOLLICLE TO SPARE ON THEIR UPPER LIP, NO SEMBLANCE OF A HAPPY TRAIL FROM THEIR BELLY BUTTON ON DOWN YONDER, AND AS BECOME CUSTOMARY ON ANYONE UNDER 30, NOT A FEATHER TO SPEAK OF ON THE OLD HAPPY TRAP???
THIS IS INSANITY!!! AND IT'S GONE TOO FAR FOR TOO LONG!!! I SAY THIS WINTER, GROW IT BACK FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT'S HOLEY, ER, HOLY. AND I DO MEAN EVERYWHERE. I HAPPEN TO LIKE THE FACT THAT IN MADONNA'S FAMOUS PENTHOUSE SPREAD, NOT ONLY WAS SHE SPORTING FULL BLOOM IN THE PITS, SHE LOOKED LIKE SHE HAD DON KING IN A LEG LOCK.
THINK BACK TO YOUR FONDEST CHILDHOOD MEMORIES. AUNT BERTHA'S HOUSE ON CHRISTMAS EVE. THERE WAS NOTHING MORE UNSETTLING THAN FEELING THAT MUSTACHE RUBBING YOU RAW AS SHE FORCED A KISS ON YOU RIGHT OUT OF THE GATE. THAT WAS THE WAY IT WAS AND WE LIKED IT. WE LIKED IT FINE.
IT'S TIME TO GROW IT UP, GROW IT OUT, AND GROW IT BACK IN. STOP THE INSANITY. DUST FLAP IT UP FOR THE SAKE OF TRADITION. FOR OUR CHILDREN, AND OUR CHILDREN'S CHILDREN, AND THE MAKERS OF DRAIN-O.
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